You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
