Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
