I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
