the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Found the puke drawer
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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