and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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