You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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