2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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