CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
