Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i will never coherently bang her
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
