Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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