im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
