he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
