Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
