Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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