Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm always down for nudity.
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