I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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