i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How's work?
Spinning.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
