Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
