She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
