Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm having to shit out rocks
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