I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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