Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
