Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
