If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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