No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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