her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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