apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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