How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
