wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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