My girlfriend figured out who you are.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
