one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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