I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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