I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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