How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
