My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
