My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
