plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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