try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
