My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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