I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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