I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
