i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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