I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
