He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
