I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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