her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So many bounce houses so little time
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There's always time for handjobs
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
