If i come over, it means nothing
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My penis needs a shock collar
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
