I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
