All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We are two peas in an std pod
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
