the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
