I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
