if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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