Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
