I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
